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woman touching her hair while looking at the window inside house
Andrew Neel / Unsplash

I’ve been there. The pain in your soul is so unbearably loud that you don’t know how you’re ever going to recover. It feels like nothing is ever going to feel good again.

I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I’ve been so unspeakably happy that nothing could contain how much joy I held in my heart. Then on the other end, I have been so sad and anxious that sitting alone with my thoughts has been one of the scariest things I’ve ever been through. It forces me to confront all the ways that I have been standing in my own way.

Life is a constant state of ups and downs. There is no joy without pain. There is no sadness without immense pleasure.

I have spent enough time crying in my room, scared of what the future holds, to know that I want to do everything I can to never feel that way again. I always spent so much time keeping busy and avoiding the problem to really acknowledge that it is there and it isn’t going anywhere.

I have spent so much time focused on “self-care,” telling myself that drinking half a bottle of wine and doing a face mask once a week was helping me. That isn’t to say that I don’t love wine and face masks, and I’m all about treating yourself ‘cause girl, you deserve it. However, I have found the most honest healing I have ever experienced came from facing all the things that scared me.

I sit in a silent room alone with my thoughts. I confront the things that scare me. The endless list of possibilities of what could go wrong in any given situation. I ask myself, So what? The things you agonize over in your head are oftentimes not quite as bad when spoken out loud. Say your fears out loud. Embrace them. There is no overcoming them if you can’t understand them.

I’ve always been terrified of abandonment. It is an issue that I have not confronted until recently. I always ran away from any situation that forced me to confront any negative feelings I had about myself. But today, I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I’m worthy of all the love and positive vibes that have come my way.

That isn’t to say that I will never have a bad day again, because trust me, there are still plenty of moments I struggle to get through. But you’re not alone and when you work to face your fears in such an honest way — that’s when you become unstoppable. TC mark

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